“Do you know what you want?”
Mary Oliver asked, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Did the grasshopper know?
“Follow your bliss,” they say.
Of course, off course.
You know how to follow; you are good at figuring out how to make something happen. You’ve done it your whole life. You solved problems for other people, figured out how to make their lives better, easier, smoother.
But in order to follow your bliss, you have to know what your bliss is.
Do you know what brings YOU joy? No, this time “helping others” is not one of the options. For just this moment you must be fully selfish.
Because maybe you hide from what you are, who you are, by staying busy helping others. Staying busy doing. Yes, very productive. Look at all that you have, all that you have done. You are the good friend, the reliable worker, the community volunteer with the rescue dog and cute home.
What are you afraid of, darling?
Are your feelings too big, are you too much, were you trained and rewarded to perform as the master requested? Maybe it even saved your life when you were young, to read the grownups near you and make things better for them.
That was a good skill then and you are brilliant to have figured it out so young.
That ache in your heart now, that calling that there is something, something different you could do, should do.
If you only knew what it was that you should do.
Maybe you looked to society’s expectations. Worked hard, showed up on time and ready to do what was asked of you, maybe you settled down with one partner, got a dog, bought a house, had a kid (all in that order because that is the recipe for success).
And it still didn’t work the way it was supposed to. The souffle fell when you opened the door to take a peek. The brownies were burned on the outside and raw on the inside. You did everything they said to do, you followed the instructions perfectly and yet here you are with this ache, this loneliness.
It is time to be selfish, darling.
The cool thing about being this age is that you have experience. You have tried to follow the recipe for success enough times and yet it never turns out quite right for you.
It is time, darling. Time to figure out your own recipe. To pull out those silly heart-shaped measuring spoons that you have hidden in the back of the drawer and add a spoonful of love and a dash of sweetness to your own life recipe.
But you have to be willing to answer the question truthfully
Do you know what you want?
Are you ready to order?